Screw You Perfectionism
Say it loud, say it proud!
Some days, I question am I doing the right things? Am I making the right choices? Am I being the best mother that I can be, the best coworker, the best friend or family member? I worry too much about being the best at everything. I try to make little room for error and it ends up stressing me out!
Why do I do this? Most days I could care less about these things but when I start to worry, I worry!
In the past, when I felt the worrying creeping up inside of me like a thief in the night ready to steal all my joy away from me, I would block my emotions. I would block them so I could not feel them OR I would do the opposite, consume myself into these thoughts all day long. It was not until recently that I learned to feel these emotions inside of my body, to identify what and how I was feeling. I learned to identify why I was feeling these emotions and how to comfort myself. It was then that I understood how to not allow these periodic moments of doubt to take over me and my life completely.
Motherhood is hard, parenthood is hard. I was not always a single mother. My husband and I separated a year ago and it has been the most difficult transition for me thus far in my life. The marriage took a toll on me and my mental health and it was the best decision I could have made. Since then, I have become the caretaker of our children and the main custodial parent. I love being a mother. It is probably one of the best joys in my life. I love hearing the sweet ‘good mornings’ from my kids when we wake up in the morning. I love how the kids run up to me after long days of work with kisses and hugs. I love hearing ‘I love you mom’ randomly throughtout the day. I love that my boys are brutally honest with me and that they help teach me to become a better person and mother. I love their cute smiles, laughs and giggles too. It is truly a wonderful experience. With all these wonderful moments, I still get stressed out from time to time doing this parenting thing alone most days.
Its hard balancing three kids, two jobs, and school full time. I recently started dating again, and I even struggle with finding time for that. I get stressed out with the workload of everything! I try to be organized. I try to make myself more efficient and available but its hard. Sometimes the stress load of everything causes me do things that I do not like. I get short with people. I yell at the kids. I procrasinate, alot. These things leave me feeling very ashamed after I do them. It becomes a cycle sometimes but I am not ashamed to admit that it happens.
I do not worry as much as I used to or have those periods of intense emotions since I’ve become more aware of them and why I feel them. It is still a challenge getting through them some days. I was not always comforted the way I wish I had been as a child emotionally and it shows up now as an adult.
I have been doing my best with reparenting myself emotionally and mentally for myself and for the well being of others I come in contact with. It still sucks when I make my children upset, or miss an event that a friend or family member invited me to. It sucks when I can’t cover for a coworker or when I take too long editing photos for a client. It sucks doing tasks at the very last minute when I had plenty of time to accomplish these assignments. It sucks wanting everything to be ‘Perfect”. It’s the reason why I take so long editing photos. It’s the reason why I feel ashamed when I buckle down on the kids. It’s the reason why I feel so bad about things most people wouldn't dwell over. Being rejected can hurt. It can sting you in the pit of your stomach. It happens but its okay.
Supportive friends & family understand your intentions. They understand when you have needs that have to be met with yourself. They respect your boundaries. Your children love you unconditionally, even with the mistakes we make as parents. Genuine consistency is what matters and when you are a good person, it usually shows. Perfectionists actually tend to be harder on themselves than anyone else.
Over time, I have learned to give myself grace. There are certainly behaviors that are more destructive than others that shouldnt be tolerated. Yelling at your children is never the best thing to do because it demonstrates a lack in the ability to control your emotions. For those that do not do this intentionally, give yourself grace for the times you feel ashamed. Give yourself grace when you miss those special moments I know you wouldnt of missed for the world. Most importantly, give yourself grace for having the self awareness and abilty to make a change within. We can beat this need to be perfect! It may be a slow and steady process, but hey; we all make mistakes sometimes. Give yourself a big old hug, breathe, then give yourself grace.
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